Why does it always have to be me?
by Sayannel Echeberry
Summary: When Edward Elric wakes up on a small ship in Seyda Neen, you can be sure there's going to be a pretty nice mess! Sure enough, Ed gets once again into incredible trouble and will have to try to save the world while looking for his brother!
1. Are you an olive?

When Ed woke up, the first thing he realized was that he was still dreaming. He _had_ to be dreaming. The place he was in resembled nowhere in Amestris. In fact, he couldn't possibly have been in Amestris, the country having no fleet. And judging by the small rocking sensation the floor was producing on Edward, his actual detention location was situated in a boat. Thus, logically, he had to be dreaming.

But then, what a weird dream this was! He was lying on the back on a small, dirty straw mattress. The room was very dark and he was hard put to even distinguish its walls. He let his hand wander onto the floor next to him. As he'd expected, it was made of wood. Rotten wooden planks to be exact. Evidently, the ship was due to destruction more or less... three years previously. The thought made Ed shiver. Waking up on a wrecked vessel wasn't exactly his idea of a good morning.

"**Wake up!"**

Edward jumped a feet into the air, startled by the voice, before turning towards it and jumping back, yelling in fright. The man – or thing – that was standing over him was the most bizarre sight he'd ever seen. He was tall and bald, one of his eyes covered by a patch like the ones pirate wore in children's books. This gave him an intimidating look, all right, but that was not what had scared the hell out of the alchemist. The weirdest detail of all was his skin. It had a strange purplish taint, a bit like that of an olive. Come to think of it, thought Edward, he actually looks like and overgrown olive! Heeeelp!!

Ed scrambled backward until his back was to the wall and got up shakily.

"**Er... What the hell are you?** Are you some kind of olive or something?" His eyes widened at the thought. **"I swear I'll never eat vegetables again!"**

The olive-man laughed at him harshly.

"**Of course not! I'm a Dunmer... A Dark Elf"** he added, seeing that the name meant nothing to Edward. **"And we've just arrived. The guards should be here any minute."**

"**Arrived?"** Ed spluttered, **"Arrived where? Where in the name of my left sock are we?"** He burst out.

"**On the island of Vvardenfell, and there's no need to be rude!"** Answered the mutant olive indignantly. Seeing that Ed had no idea of what he meant, he added **"In the kingdom of Morrowind... In the Cyrodilic Empire! Oh come on,"** he snapped, exasperated, **"every single land in a radius of ten thousand leagues is part of the Empire! Wake up boy!"**

Upon these words, all fear seemed to drain out of Edward's mind. The word "boy" had caught in his throat, as always, and anger flooded in him, covering all else.

"**I AM NOT SMALL!"** He bellowed, clapping his hands together to make the walls into giant fists that would beat the Dunmer senseless.

Nothing happened.

Ed's jaw dropped. What the hell was going on in this mad place? Why did his alchemy suddenly refuse to work? He caught sight of the Dark Elf laughing at the expression on his face. Well, he thought, I've still got my fists haven't I? A wicked smile appeared on his face.

The Dunmer was blown into the wall by the force of the blow Edward had landed into his chest. He hit the wooden planks with a crash and slid to the floor, unconscious. Sneering at him, his aggressor bent down upon him to land another blow but a voice cut across him once again.

"**What is going on in here? Can't you scum be quiet for an hour or two?"**

The eldest Elric brother swiveled to take a look at the new intruder. He at once realized that this must be the "guard" olive-man had been speaking about. A wave of relief swept over him when he saw that the man had a normal taint of skin. At least that was normal! The relief quickly faded when the guard spoke again, glowering at him.

"**Get out of here and follow me convict. Someone's awaiting you..."**

He didn't have time to finish his sentence for the "convict"'s foot lashed out and caught him in the jaw. He toppled to the ground with a great crack, his jaw evidently broken. At once, Edward jumped over him and ran for the door the guard had opened when he'd entered. He'd just reached the entrance when a sting in his back made him stand still. He turned his head slowly backward and saw the guard standing behind him, a trickle of blood on his chin and pointing a curved sword at his back.

"**Right."** The guard panted, **"You wan to play it nasty? Then we'll play it nasty!"**

Edward felt a sudden and burning pain on his left hip. He glanced down and saw that the man was holding a small dagger in his left hand and had used it to trace a scarlet line through his shirt, across his skin. He'd only just had time to realize what had just happened when the man stabbed him again lightly, this time between the shoulder blades. Ed understood that the only way to avoid being scarred all over was to get moving, so he started walking slowly out of the cell and into the following room. There, he climbed a fleet of stairs and ended up in front of a trap hole. He looked at the guard who nodded, and pushed the trap open.

* *


	2. Fight and Flight

Edward leaned against the rock, panting. He glanced backward, checking none of the marauders was still following him. What a mess! He let himself slid to the ground and rested a moment, trying to remember how the hell he'd come to this point.

He remembered that he'd been stupefied when the guard took him onto the deck of the ship. The weather was bight and clear, and the temperature cool. The water all around was crystal clear and he could see strangely shaped fish swimming around lazily in it. Then he'd cast a glance around him and his jaw had dropped. Everything was strange, as though distorted. There were few trees, most of them being replaced by very large and ugly mushroom-like… _things_. Very few birds flew in the sky, and there was almost no chirping to be heard. But most of all it was the people's aspect that stunned the young alchemist.

Even from a distance, he could see that most of the inhabitants of this place were clearly not human. He'd glimpsed cat-like figures standing on two legs and wandering around, as well as one bloke which he thought looked somewhat like an overgrown lizard. Then, of course, there were many like his cell companion: purplish – grayish, tall and haughty with pointed ears. As far as Edward could tell, the only "normal" human beings were the few guards who wandered around in the small town, all dressed in the same armor as the one who'd so kindly escorted him out of the ship's entrails.

He recalled that he'd only had a few instants to notice all this before feeling the point of the guard's sword in his back and heading for the plank linking the ship and the wharf. There, he'd met another guard, this one in full armor, complete with a helmet and all, who'd led him into a house at the end of the passage. Ed remembered he'd been relieved to see that the guard from the ship hadn't followed them. One idiot less to evade.

Inside the house, Edward had met a strange old man who'd asked him all sorts of stupid questions about himself: where was he from, what "race" was he, what were his major skills, what was his "class" or job… Ed had tried to answer correctly but as he didn't have a clue to what the old bloke wanted to hear, he just said what passed through his mind. Luckily, it must have been sufficient for the old man seemed happy enough. He handed Ed a scroll with strange letters upon it and told him to scarper…. Well, that wasn't exactly the way he said it, but the basic idea was the same.

Not needing to be told twice, the alchemist had gotten the hell out of there and crossed into the next building, where he was instructed to talk to the captain. At first, the military had seemed very unpleasant but Ed had learned very interesting facts from him. He'd also received a message and a pack to deliver to someone called Caius Cosades. Of course, as soon as he'd been out of the house, Edward had thrown pack and letter into a nearby pond. He had no desire whatsoever to be used as a messenger. He had more important things to do. Like get back to Amestris for example.

Anyway, he'd left the village behind and headed south-east, as the guards had told him. That was where Vivec was supposed to be located and with it the semi-god Vivec, after whom the city was named. If that bloke was capable of stopping a moon in its course, then he was surely capable of sending a poor, lost alchemist back into his native world. As least that was what Ed supposed. Which was why he'd spent a few days following a worn-out road that led more or less south, until he'd come upon a trio of ugly-looking olive-skinned brutes who'd decided to kill him and have him cooked for diner. Or so Ed assumed, for he couldn't understand a word of what they were yelling at him while running after him. Fortunately, only one of them had a bow and he was a terrible shot. None of his arrows had passed at less than five meters from Ed. Nevertheless, there were three of them and they were armed with nasty looking blades. Being unable to use his alchemy here – he'd tried with a rather despairingly empty result just after leaving the village – Ed had preferred not to take any chances and had therefore chosen he honorable and most ancient art of… running away.

Which was why he was now sitting behind a rock in the middle of nowhere, panting madly and not knowing whether or not the three madmen were still after him.

He'd only been sitting for what seemed like ten minutes when a cry told him his three pursuers where closing in. Straightening up heavily, he risked a glance over the edge of the rock and saw that the pursuers were indeed closing in. but not on him. They were making for a most bizarre bird, with a wingspan that must have exceeded the length of two grown men – or four Edwards. The bird was shrieking madly and landing blows with his vicious-looking tail on the three gathered bandits. These were most occupied with avoiding the blows and returning jabs with their swords at the bird. For a moment, Ed was tempted by the idea of taking advantage of the fight to make a run for it, however something stopped him before he'd even made a step.

There was something wrong about leaving this bird take care of his attackers. It felt like running away – which it was, of course – and that wasn't correct in his mind. He'd never fled before an enemy so why would he have to do so now?

As Ed thought this, one of the men fell backward, the bird's beak having pieced his eye. He writhed on the ground for a moment then finally lay still, obviously dead. "Wow! Thought Ed, That's one vicious bird!" Then he saw the dead man's sword, lying just a few steps from him. He hesitated. Would he have time to get to it before the two remaining men and the bird – ah well, forget the bird. Edward doubted that with its head flying one way and his body the other, the bird would be capable of running after him. That left him with only two enemies who were apparently taking a break next to their fallen companion. The sword lay between him and the two bandit, however it was a few inches closer to them than to him. Would he have time to reach it before they noticed him? There was only one way to find out.

Ed leaped from behind the rock and pelted towards the weapon. He was only two or three steps from it when one of the men noticed him and, jumping up, ran at him, quickly followed by his companion. Fortunately, his head start had given Ed a sufficient advantage. He reached the sword just instants before the two did and plunged for it. His hand closed in on the hilt and he gripped it firmly before rolling into his two attackers' legs. They fell with him, disorientated by his attack, and he used this advantage to get up before them. Seeing one of them was still struggling to get up, he aimed a kick at his head. The man keeled backward, senseless, leaving Ed with one enemy to deal with.

The last bandit approached carefully, his sword in one hand and a strange whitish shield in the other. They circled one another for a moment then the man dealt a blow to Edward's head. Ed parried at the last instant and retaliated with an assault to the chest. His sword was blocked by the shield and he had to jump back to avoid being speared. They circled again. Then Edward had an idea. He leapt forward and dealt a powerful diagonal stroke to the man's left side. As he'd expected, his enemy blocked with his shield and counterattacked with a thrust to Ed's throat. However, Ed was ready for it. Dropping the sword, he clutched the bandit's right shoulder with his automail and, taking advantage of this firm grip, jumped and lashed out his left leg at the oncoming sword. The blade rang as it hit the metallic leg and was carried away by the force of the blow. And there was the opening Ed had been waiting for. He brought his left leg down hard on the man's right arm then let go of his shoulder. As his enemy fell to the right, destabilized by the blow, he aimed carefully and landed a powerful blow to his head. The bandit fell limp to the floor, knocked out.

Ed sighed with relief. It had been harder than he'd imagined. Without the ability to use his alchemy, he had to sum up his best fighting abilities, even against a pitiful bunch like this one. This was a problem he'd have to solve rapidly. One more problem… Great!

Taking great care to step on his attackers' unconscious bodies, Edward walked away heading, once again, for the city of Vivec.


	3. Don't mess with the guards

**Stop! You have been sentenced in the name of the imperial law to a fine of 500 gold coins for thieving, violence and bad temper. Cough up immediately or I'll have to take you away.**

Edward stared in disbelief at the strange being in front of ... man was wearing a suit of armor wrought out of what looked like tarnished gold. Drapings stuck out here and there, giving the whole a rather comical appearance. The worst of it all, however, was the man's helm. It looked as though he'd chopped off someone's head, carved it empty and stuck it onto his own with a metallic crest.

Ed stiffled his laughter. No wonder people where misbehaving everywherre he looked! If all the guards looked like this, they must appear like some kind of joke.

Just then, the guard took out a nasty-looking mace from his belt. Suddenly, everything appeared much less amusing.

**You have not obeyed. Do so immediately or I shall teach you how to respect our god Vivec's law!**

The alchemist stared at him blanckly for a moment then did the only sensible thing he could: he ran. He ran faster than he had ever run, not wanting to hear the shouts of the guard he'd just fooled, not wanting to look back in case the damn thin... man was faster than he'd expected.

Sprinting like mad, Ed reached a bridge overlooking the waters that surrounder the city's blocks. Just in front of it was another guard. He didn't seem to have realized yet that a criminal was coming towards him, but it would be instants before his colleague's shouts came to him. Edward's mind sprinted even faster then he as he closed in on the man, and then it struck him.

At the instant he reached the opening of the bridge, he stopped and turned back to face his pursuer. As he had hoped, the peacekeeper was only steps behind him, and he didn't have time to realize what his prey was doing. He crashed right into him with an almighty BANG... or rather he should have. Instead, he stumbled through nothingness and toppled onto his fellow guard, bringing them both down. Ed had stepped aside just before the collision.

Not wanting to be chased again, the Fullmetal Alchemist quickly grapped one of the spiked maces and slammed it hard onto both guards' necks. They fell limp. Comforted, Edward stepped away onto the bridge.

* * *

Somewhere above him, two shadowed figures backed away from the railing from which they'd been observing the whole scene.

**He's perfect. Just what we need to get rid of this damned Nerevarine.**

**I don't know... We're not even sure that bloke **_**is**_** the Nervarine. For all we know, he might just be the house-cleaner.**

**Oh come on! He's been inside with that Vivec coward for almost ten hours now. They're talking strategy and you full well know it. Our master won't like this. We have to get our hands onto this newcomer. Find out what he wants most. Tell him we can give it back to him. Show him your skills, he'll trust you.**

Without another word, one of the figures lifted a hand and disappeared completely in an instant. The other stood there, his eyes still following the small silhouette that was making its way towards the Arena block.


End file.
